I dont understand

well first time want to write in english..
(because today's chinese paper had killed me in peace..but im still struggling)

...what's love? such a stupid question.
i thought i know it much..
i thought i know it better than past..
but it's not.
can u imagine a girl like me is willing to WAIT?
omg..i just cant believe it! impossible!
i wonder, why me?!

people should answer, 'this is what we called LOVE'
omg (again)
am i still fine? what's game is this?
i know im poor in gaming since...(not important)
i thought im rational enough to judge what i want
i thought the day is still far from me or will never appear in my life.
distance, u stabbed me.
time management, u make a cut on my heart.
and u...
you aren't loyal as you promised.
you aren't perfect as i thought.
but why... what's wrong with me?
can anyone tell me?
im totally crazy and...foolish.
i tried my best to share it with my best friends
but at last i fail to walk away from him.
i torture myself in his life
because i just cant forget so easily about the past.

and what had made me feeling crazy and unbelievable is..
i met him in midvalley last sunday.
accidentally...
suddenly..
his appearance made my numb feeling to be stimulated.
i was feeling like... omg(again)
am i still standing? my soul was out! i cant hear what the others said..
thinking something but nothing.

i told myself, you aren't perfect
you choose her because you're 'blind'
that will only be your loss
not mine.
why cant i just put a full stop?
giving an ending to my suffer.
i want to maintain my dignity at least in front of you.
i want to prove that my life without you is still bright or even brighter.
you are just nothing...
but a part of my heart.
every of my breath and heartbeat is done with your existance.
you're the one who betray me
you're the one who started this nightmare
you're the one who i care so much but wish to not care so much
you're the one who hurted me jz simply
you're the one who just know to say SORRY

naively,
i thought to accept all your apologizes
but that make me even suffer and distress
i dont know why.
aquarius is simple but yet complicated too.

man, i will wait as long as im still able to do that.
the day to give up
the day to forget
will be e fresh and new starting point in my life.
i wont simply count on guys because
i had experienced twice..
too much for me.

Enough.